You don't have to fix it. You just have to be the person who doesn't look away. Someone in your squad, your DMs, or your life tells you - directly or in pieces - that something is wrong. What you do in the next five minutes matters more than you would think.
The first five minutes
Say this, not that
Say "I believe you" before anything else. That sentence is rarer than you would think, and it is the one that matters most.
Do not say "why didn't you just leave." Leaving is often the hardest and most dangerous part - it is not about willpower.
Ask "what do you need right now" instead of telling them what to do. They have likely had enough people making decisions for them already.
Avoid ultimatums like "leave or I'm done helping you." That isolates them further and can push them back toward the person hurting them instead of away.
What actually helps
A door that stays open beats one push
Keep showing up, even if they are not ready to act yet. A door that stays open matters more than one push.
Help them think through a safety plan if they want one - important documents, money, a place to go - without deciding it for them.
Offer to sit with them while they call a hotline, or help them find the number, if they do not feel ready to do it alone.
If a child is in danger, or there is a weapon, or things are escalating fast, involve the authorities. Some situations are bigger than a friend can carry alone.
Take care of yourself too
You are allowed to have limits
Carrying someone else's crisis is heavy, and you are allowed to have limits. Loving someone through this does not mean absorbing all of it - hotlines exist for the person going through it and for the people supporting them too. You can point your friend toward help and still be a good friend without being the one holding all of it.
You showing up, believing them, and staying steady is not a small thing. For a lot of people, it is the first time anyone ever did.
Common questions
What helpers ask themselves
What do I say to someone in an abusive relationship?
Start with "I believe you." Then ask what they need rather than telling them what to do. Those two moves cover most of the first conversation, and neither requires you to know anything about their situation.
They keep going back. Should I give up?
No. Leaving and returning several times is the ordinary pattern, not a sign the person is beyond help or wasting your time. The friend who is still there on the attempt that finally sticks is usually the one who never made returning a reason to withdraw.
Can I call a hotline about someone else?
Yes. Advocates take calls from friends and family constantly, and can help you work out what to say, what to avoid, and whether the situation needs more than you can offer.
Should I contact the person hurting them?
No. It usually escalates the danger for your friend and removes their control over timing. If you are worried enough to consider it, call a hotline and talk that through first.
What if they told me in confidence and I am scared for them?
Confidence has a limit at serious danger - especially involving a child, a weapon, or fast escalation. You can call a hotline for advice without naming them, which lets you get a read before you decide anything.